Does anybody have any thoughts or suggestions for approaching a grown woman about an eating disorder?

My friend just got engaged and looks to have lost 60 pounds in four months. I have been friends with this girl for 18 years and she was always one of the bigger girls in our circle. Now I'm pretty sure she is under 100 lbs (she's 5'3"). She says that she has just been working out and eating well, but she looks like a skeleton and her skin is all transparent looking.She has no boobs and no butt left! If she was working out I think she would have gained some muscle, but she is just bones! How do I tell her that I am concerned about her? We are old, so it's not like I can tell her mom or go to a school counselor. All my other friends are concerned too. Another girl sent me a text today about how when she hugged our friend she felt her spine sticking out. I would just let it go if the wedding were closer and say that it was probably stress, but I'm afraid she is going to get sick before then. Does any one have any suggestions or similar experiences?

Does anybody have any thoughts or suggestions for approaching a grown woman about an eating disorder?
I say approach her and be honest if she is your friend. Not entirely sure just your words of concern will do anything to change her perspective if she has taken the route of anorexia. When you are in that mindset, as strange as it may sound they may actually take that as a compliment internally. If you have any contact with the fiance, I might suggest that you meet with them and express your concerns in a friendly, sympathetic and diplomatic manner. It may be that they are the only person that can emphasize that what she is doing to herself has an effect on those that care about her. Seems they would have noticed it too and maybe they acctually are concerned about it also but are afraid to speak up. The problem is that when most get into that mindset they have already put pressure on themselves. If you are close enough and do things together that would put her in a physical conditon to not be able to keep up because you think that her physical conditon is deteriorated because of it...maybe you could suggest going ona hike or something that you could actually witness the lack of endurance and bring the issue up then as it would be relevant to what you are doing or go out to eat . I truly dont know because it is so difficult and they have a way of controlling their mental attitude and perspective so that in their mind it works in their favor. SOrry not much more help than that
Reply:If she's your friend you need to be up front and direct with her - if she's in denial (which she may be) keep after her - I had a friend w/bulimia and I knew that she was and she finally fessed up - we're still best friends to this day - and that was a good 15yrs. ago... the one's you love are the one's we have to be the most honest with... tell her your concerns and get her to a nutritionist/therapist....she might think you're jealous so reassure her it's for health reasons not jealousy and that you care...
Reply:I don't know how close you two are, Or what kind of person you are, But I would just tell her straight up that she's got a problem and you're WORRIED FOR HER SAFETY. (That last part might wake her up a bit.
Reply:Considering she is a grown woman and that you have been friends with her forever, you should just be able to tell her your concerns. She may seem mad at first but she will soon realize that you are just looking out for her...Have some of your other friends go with you so she can see that you all care and to let her know that she isn't alone. I just recently got dumped and I lost 10 pounds in 2 days...I went from 130 to 111 in a week..My friends noticed and they are helping me through it.
Reply:Speak with her most directly, and most seriously, as her friend. No fooling around. What you describe here can lead to death. This is NOT a social or proper etiquette consideration. This is a matter of life and death. Tell her you know that something is NOT RIGHT about her health and that you will not let it go. If she does not bend, speak then with her fiance in the same way and drop it. She is the captain of her own ship. Do not enable her disorder, as co-dependents do in alcoholism. You cannot be her friend any longer if she refuses to choose health over disease. Show no pity. Let her know you love her. But, then turn around and walk away until she chooses a healthier path. Do not linger near those who choose disease.
Reply:Please don't take this the wrong way, but could it be drugs? That is an awful lot of weight to loose, even with a disorder. 15 lbs per month, and if she is pale and sickly and loosing the fat from her body, could she have turned to drugs (ie/ speed)? I know some very strong business people with lots of sense in their heads that have turned to it for weight loss as well as energy. There is also ephedrine over consumption, which would have similar results if taken in higher doses (dosen't take much though). Calorie restriction alone dosen't usually have that big a decline because the body goes into survival mode first. I don't know her, but some of the strongest people make poor decisions when put under pressure. You need to be upfront with her. Not no-it-all or judge mental. Be loving but not mushy. And yes, tell her others are concerned as well. If it is addiction, she will deny it for the first 4 or 5 times. Hopefully she breaks, and can begin to recover. If it is eating disorder (??? still questioning that though), same thing. She is an adult, treat her like one.