Cant make it work?....lol?

WHY I CANNOT COME TO WORK TODAY…………. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I


can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.





If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices


told me to clean all the guns today.





I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back


an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum


loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit


the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source, exactly


e*log(pi), of the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my


dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late,


or early.





My stigmata's acting up.





I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,


who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?





I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have


that deadline to meet...





I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.





Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey,


how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help


you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.





Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.





I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come


to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.





The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this


jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.





The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.





I prefer to remain an enigma.





My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track


her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her


eternal peace. One day should do it.





I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house


is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for


helicopter transportation.





I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.





I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.





I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter


tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

Cant make it work?....lol?
now that was funny...im gonna use a couple and see if i can get away with playing hooky
Reply:can i have some of what ever it is your on???....lol
Reply:I just call in drunk!





this one isn't bad though(I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,


who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?).........lmao
Reply:reply: don't bother coming in again, we've found a robot that can do your job 1000 times better than you can, %26amp; we only need to pay it in oil! we'll invite you back when the price of oil goes through the roof again. diane.
Reply:Some good ones Jake, you got a star!..:)
Reply:Not going to work today...I called in ugly. If I show things are going to get ugly for someone! I actually tried that once!


It didn't work though, my boss was already ugly, and there wasn't any left to go around.
Reply:A star for you jake.


10/10, excellent work.
Reply:Lol! i'll try them, though if i get fired it's all your fault! hehehe!
Reply:omg u look u r 90 from ur photo...if u are...u r not supposed to stay in front of a pc to write things without any sense...perv...oh maybe ur a peedo...could be...





anyway i can't stay here to talk to u peedo...bye bye





greetings from Italy ^^