I hate myself?

I hate myself sooo much. I do suffer from depression, eating disorder, anxiety at times. I see a counsellor but i don't see her again for weeks. i have no one to rely on. I feel fat and i just want to crawl out of my skin right now. i always want to hurt myself because i feel i deserved to be punished..and i dont know what to do.





I have been to my doctor..lets just say they are all less than helpful..infact i was told i would grow out of my eating disorder, it was just a phase.. was then sent to a phychiatric nurse for being suicidal and she told me that all "stupid teenagers" thought suicide was a way out.. oh and also accused me of lying and said that i was "throwing everything back in her face"...just because i wasn't agreeing to the statements she was making about me! Oh and someone i confided in for months and who supported me completely dumped me as a friend, my mum said i was a shame on the family and also broke my confidence in her by telling other family members about me!!

I hate myself?
Well......Without knowing you and your history it is very difficult for people to give you constructive answers.


You don't really say what it is you want...just a rant about how awful you are ...how fat you are..and a little about your eating and mental health problems. You haven't even said what age you are but I'm guessing your in your teenage years.





I've been a Psychiatric nurse for probably as long as you've been born and it's not an easy job...The mind is a strange thing and changing peoples perceptions is difficult...Me telling you "No your not awful or fat" just isn't going to do it ...is it?


So I think you have to go back to your doctor or nurse and tell them HOW YOU FEEL and WHAT YOU WANT TO CHANGE....


You haven't asked for help from what I can see and are too angry blaming others for not recognising your distress. Your poor mum hasn't got a clue what is happening to you...she's probably besides herself with grief watching you self destruct and too scared to say anything in case you rant at her...





Write down how you feel..


how long you've felt like this?


Were there any "triggers" for how your feeling...did something happen around that time?


Why do you feel you have to be punished?


What ACTUALLY have you done that makes you feel punishment is necessary?


What do you think wuold make things better for you ...don't answer "By dying" as thats not an answer.





Once you have all the questions answered....and don't answer them "I deserve to be punished because i'm bad"...That's not an answer either....Go to someone who you can trust...there will be someone...most likely your mum and go over them with her. She'll probably be able to make more sense of how your feeling if she knows why your feeling so awful.





I'd like to say that i've seen loads of young girls with symptoms like yours...some have been abused..WHICH IS NOT THEIR FAULT...


some have come from broken homes and feel unloved because a parent left..WHICH IS NOT THEIR FAULT...and some get bullied by peers and made to feel worthless...WHICH IS NOT THEIR FAULT.





So again..without really knowing what's made you feel so bad about yourself..it's difficult to get to the bottom of it....


But I bet your not fat, ugly or awful...just needing help finding the right road.





Good luck with your search of who you are and who you can be.
Reply:I did ask for help ACTUALLY.I explained how i felt. For you to continuously make out everything is my fault did not help and if your doing this to patience..think about what YOU are already doing to THEIR self esteem! Report It

Reply:just go near a river, listen the water flow,, repeat it every day,,you will feel your soul relieved
Reply:You need serious help if this is true. Go to a hospital! You'll find someone that can help you if you kep looking.
Reply:you have to learn to appreciate your good quality, everyone has worth and strengths, you just have to find it. You probably have a chemical unbalance that creates these feelings, you should get professional help and be open to it..





good luck, stay strong
Reply:You need serious help! No one on Yahoo can help you with what you are going through, you need to see a psychiatrist........SOON!
Reply:screw the counselor and everyone else who put you down. you are going through a hard time in your life and killing yourself is no way to deal with it. I know it's hard, even though i have never experienced something like this. I really don't have an answer but you have to find something good in your life, it may be hard but try it. Find one thing that you like about yourself, and focus on that. forget everything else and focus on what you are good at, or something that you like about yourself. Please try it and please dont harm yourself.
Reply:How about you work on Something tp improve yr feelings and yr health?.. How about a plan?.. Try to go on a trip...Try to watch Comdey Tv Episodes.. it helps .. to make yrself feel better.. and eat less...Remember there r always ppl you're so important to them,,,.. Dont waste yr life on Being depressed....


xx Have a good day xx
Reply:You'll feel better this summer. Try to read a good book once in awhile and have a hobby you like. Remember, you have food, clothing and shelter. Many children in the world are starving and homeless. Try to learn about faith in a God. He might help you sometimes.
Reply:Hey, you have a lot of problems but hurting yourself won`t make them go away.


You need someone who will listen to you without judging. Phone either the Samaritans or Childline and they will listen and put you in touch with agencies to help you.


Go back to your mum and calmly explain your feelings.
Reply:Go and see a different doctor, confide in another member of your family who may be a little more understanding than your Mum.





Start liking yourself, you have everything to live for, you just need to believe it.





Please see someone soon, there are other people out there who can help you. What have you done so wrong that you feel you deserve to be punished?





Good luck, I hope things work out for you x
Reply:god loves you.and come on here,we will make you feel better-I hope!!
Reply:I'm sorry you have to feel this way and that you feel now one is helping you, i wish i could help you as i had a sister who felt somewhat the same , please try and get another doctor to help you or try the Samaritans if you are in the UK, remember doing something stupid will not help, i hope you get through this good luck.
Reply:I know this may sound stupid but have you thought of going and talking to your local vicar...you sound like you just need someone to listen to you and accept you for who you are...the doctor and the psychiatric nurse have seen you as just another job....i'm in no way religious but the idea of talking to a vicar comes from knowing that he will listen to you and have some good advice and this will make you feel that you have at least one person who will respect you and so lifting your mood
Reply:I felt like you five years ago. The fact you have put this question on means that you want to change so belive me YOU WILL.





You need to draw a line under all the negative thinking you are doing so here is what I did. Don't just dish it but give things a go and see if slowly you feel a bit better.





Volunteer - just an hour a week - to help out for a cause which you would enjoy. I did at a riding stable which gave kids with disabilities a chance to ride. I also spend an hour a week walking dogs at a local centre for lost dogs. It made me realise that I really had very little to complain about and also that just giving one hour really made a difference to these kids. I began to feel ashamed at all the time I had spent thinking and complaining about myself. There will be places like that near you for sure. Just give it a go.
Reply:if i were you, I'd go see a different doctor. depression is very real, and usually isn't a PHASE you'll grow out of. the good news is that over time you will learn how to handle the bad feelings you are having. i was diagnosed at 14 (I'm 34 now) with chronic depression. there are times (like now) that you may feel everyone is "dumping" you. if this is the case, then it's time to meet new people that actually care about you and your feelings. it is hard to overcome depression on your own, and you shouldn't have to handle it alone. find a counsellor or a crisis phone line in your area, and keep talking to people. there are tonnes of professionals out there that can help you. it may take time to find the right one, but don't give up!


you are NOT alone in your feelings. i give you credit for having the strength to admit you need help! most people are too chicken to admit what you are feeling. you may not realize it right now, but you seem like a strong person who can get through this.


sending lots of hugs (if you want them)! good luck, and continue to be strong! good luck
Reply:I am so sorry you are hurting right now. I went through depression as a teen but got through ok. Now I am a mom to 4 girls and a boy. Try something opposite to emotion to help. Try to remember what once gave you joy and make every attempt to do it. Read funny books, watch funny movies. Usually when we are down we dwell in the sad stuff. Laughing can do wonders. Depression is very real and very difficult no matter what age you are. Go to an art museum, listen to up beat music. Go for a walk in a garden, read the bible, smell pleasant smells like lavendar or go to store and try some new perfume testers. Trust me with time this uneasy stage will pass. I tried suicide several times as a teen but thank God I did not succeed. I now have beautiful children to fill my life. I do not take meds now but take 10 1000mg of fish oil to balance my emotions and it works wonders but is not an overnight cure. Fish oil takes about a month to work. Hope this helps.
Reply:have you tried calling the Samaritans? i dont know the number but i am sure they have a website? please dont suffer in silence any longer and give them a call. your mum does not sound very understanding about this. if you were my daughter i would be very worried about your mental health! you dont say how old you are but you could ring childline maybe? has something in your life triggered this depression? do you have any friends? i know its not very hip but do you have a local church? you could speak to someone there and make friends? if they have a local youth group. best of luck to you. and chin up. the teenage years are often the worst. xxxx p.s volunteering is a great idea try your local charity shop. or special needs centre. my daughter has down syndrome and there are lots of teenagers who help out at the childrens centre which she attends every month and they have a great time helping others in need.
Reply:Hi babs. Occupy your mind, read call a friend sit on the internet a talk to lots of people, watch tv, dvds, I suffer from mild depression that ain being treated but i know what its like. you have to try to occupy your mind.





If you feel you need to check your self into a %26amp; e. Let em sort you out.





Absolutley no one deserves to die. everyone is hear for a reason ok. You can email me if you want and then ill email you my personal email addresss.
Reply:You really do need to see yr GP and tell them how you're feeling.


I have suffered from ALL of the things you mention here at one point or another. I've had all kinds of therapy....tablets....etc etc and at some level that made me feel crap in the first place cos I would think stuff like 'see, it's only me who needs therapy, everyone else can cope...why am I so crap' etc etc. Last year however, I again went on a course of antidepressants AND a course of therapy, both of which have helped me immensely.Another thing that helped me was someone telling me that I wwasn't crap unless I thought I was....and really deep down I knew I wasn't. I'd never killed anyone...never even hurt anyone or anything! and if you think about it, how many people do you know that ARE crap...that have done some bad/nasty things in their life...and they don't beat themselves up about it. They just get on with it.


About feeling fat.... I'm feeling very fat right now!!! It seems to be an in built part of female life now!!! It's something you'll be able to have a giggle about when you're feeling better. I still have my days of feeling crap about myself BUT I now also have my days when I just don't care.....it's normal to have lummpy bits and wobbly bits! It is not normal NOT to!!!! and just think what these real stick insect types feel when they sit down....it MUST hurt if you've got bones for a bum!!!!


Please get help....keep writing on here if you need to....you know deep, deep down that you're a normal, good person :)
Reply:listen i myself suffer from depression. I have been on many different medications and i promise you things are going to get better. some people just dont understand that there are different levels of depression. I am now older and have children- two of them and im about to get married and if you had asked me if my life was going to be like this 3 years ago i would not have believed you but listen to me sweetheart, things do get better and god you will love life. i promise you that you will be happy oneday!
Reply:i kind of know how you feel. i hate myself lso, unfortuantely. my therapist says i discount the positive. it's really immature of me too. i have social anxiety. it doesn't matter how good my day is, once something happen, say i run out of things to say when talking to someon, i feel like a total loser. i am so afraid of rejection that i dont have many friends. just some old ones. its all the little things about myself. but seriously i feel bad that those people said you were lying and you are to blame for your problems. i actually just said this to someone else. they are just rationalizing. they do not want to believe that bad things happen to people for no reason because theyare araid that it will happen to them. also i suggest you see your therapist every week. i am going tomorrrow and i love therapy. also your mom is a jerk sorry. you need to find some support somewhere join something if you arent too anxious. and know that at least the people on this site support you. keep talking on this site also. my therapist actually suggestedi do it.
Reply::( Sounds like you are in a pretty bad situation. You know I've been there too - if I was the last person on earth I couldn't have been more alone - sounds like you are feeling the same way? I'm sorry I don't really have an answer for you cos I'm 23, safe and making a go of my life as much as I can, but I still hate myself. But I can tell you what I do know helped me. It really really sucs that there are far too few people who care about young people who feel like you do - wether it's because of depression, abuse, or anything else, some people just seem to think that we are a waste of space! I know it's really hard, but try not to get too angry with them for letting you down - what's important is getting good help, or helping yourself. Try not to be too hard on yourself - I don't mean about the big stuff - the reasons why you feel like this - I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't hate yourself, not cos you should but because that would be v hipocritical of me. What I mean is the small every day stuff - take really small steps - go down to the shops tomorrow and treat yourself to something you'd like - a magazine or something like that, or do something that you enjoy even if it's just for 10 minutes - remind yourself that you did a good job doing that cos if you're anything like me it is extremely hard to let yourself feel happy! Think about what you really really want - is there somewhere you'd be happier living? Maybe if you can think of the future there's a job you want to do? Try to find out about how to get there. Doing voluntary work has helped me more than anything to get my confidence up, get out, meet new people, do stuff I never imagined before and to stop me thinkin bout the bad stuff for a while too. I couldn't think of a future for a long time, but knew I was always interested in plants - now I'm going to go to the himalayas in the summer to study them! That's something way beyond my craziest dreams, and nothing big got me there, just lots of little tiny baby steps. There are lots of charities that can help you too. The first place you should look is childline (if you're 18 or under) - they can talk stuff through with you but they can also put you in touch with heaps of organisations that can help you. They are really nice there - I used to be mute but I wrote to a councillor there for a while and she was really nice - she was really the one person who didn't ever let me down. Some other places that helped me a lot were fairbridge, bernardos and venture scotland, though obiously it would depend where you live. I think that meeting other people like you can also help a lot.





I get the feeling I'm spraffing a lot and I hope I'm not making you feel worse instead of better so I'm just going to shut up now, but please remember that honestly honestly your childhood is not "the best years of your life" (I used to be terrified thinking it gets worse?!?) - and honestly it takes a long time but stuff honestly does get better when you're older and you can do what you want. I'm thinking of you xxx
Reply:You must be going through such a hard time in your life. Can I assure you things will get better. I will guess you are between the age of 13 and 22. You cant blame your mum for telling another family member. Remember parents are only human, she was probably just looking for advise herself. I can promise you you will come out of this episode a stronger person!! Look after yourself, and stay strong!
Reply:Oh Honey. It sounds like you have some serious issues going on. You have to work on the underlying cause of your problems. The Depression, Anxiety, and Eating Disorders are just complications from the real problem. The first thing you need to do is call your counselor and tell her that you are having a crises. You need to see her within the next 24 hours or so. Have you ever been on anti Depressants? if not you should consider talking to your doctor about being on something. You need a counselor that will not try the band aid approach and only discuss the obvious issues that you are struggling from but those lying under the surface.


You need to work on your sel-esteem and confidence. these are things that you can do on your own you don't need anyone else.


As for your friend. it sounds like you may have wore her out. think about it if you had a friend that always came to you with her problems and complained to and such it would be hard to always be there for her! right? She may have been having some problems of her own and felt that she needed some time to deal with her issues.


Your mom may not be equipped to help you with your issues and may have been trying to confied in other family members to know what to do to help.


That is not to excuse what she did, only to try to help you see where she may have been comming from.


You need to Find another Dr. that will adress you and your issues seriously. and you may need another counselor as well uf the one you have now is not helping you in the way you need.





Please don't think suicide is the way out. It is a Perminant Solution to a temprary problem





I hope I helped you.





please feel free to message me if you need anything
Reply:Oh my gosh!! i cant believe what other people put on here and what they told you!


I am really sorry for what you are going through! This will make you into such a strong person, which you already are! I have gone through the same thing. And just to let you know, drinking, cutting, smoking, sex, or drugs will not help you! it will make things only 10 times worse. I started smoking, drinking, cutting myself, and had problems with eating disorders when i was 13. Now i have to deal with the cravings of ciggarettes, the scars on my arms(that people judge me by), and the little excess wieght from drinking adn messing up my diet. You may want to resort to some of these things but they are really just going to bring you down more.


Some things that could help (which i did) is to keep a journal (like a diary, but i never liked the name "diary" lol) and i wrote down EVERYTHING. Everything that happened or anyting that i was feeling. I didnt write in it everyday, just when big things came up. But it gives you a chance to look at what you are thinking and doing, and analyze if they are really helping or hurting you. It helped me a ton!


Another thing that i did was lay on the ground. It sounds wierd but it is so nice to just get away from everything and just relax in silence for a little bit and concentrate on nothing. It really brings you down to earth! (both mentally and physically)


I know what your going through and i know its very hard and that it will never end. IT will end! eventually. I do have scars from my past, but they did only make me a stronger person.


I also got a pet fish! And it made me happy. Just to see how carefree it was made me want to be like it.





I know that you can get through this! Just believe in yourself and never let go of the things that you believe in! I you want happiness in a world that puts you down and makes you feel like s***, you need to look beyond the people for help. You need to look inside yourself and find out who you really are and what you stand for and believe. I truly wish good luck to you, and if you want to talk my email is alyssadevries7@yahoo.com. I hope that i helped
Reply:no , it not a solution hate our self .. smile to days ; days smile to you ..
Reply:try this site below





http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/faq...





i really hope you get through this tough time..good luck.god bless and take good care of yourselff
Reply:Hang in there
Reply:get a self help book like creating self confidence and just tell yourself i am a wonderful woman infront of your mirror repeat this until u love urself and get a hobby a fun one that will give u confidence


good luck


take care


x
Reply:I think you need medication.


I'm not being rude.








Or








You want attention.


Well, that's how it seems because you added those extra details...Wanting people to say "no,you don't belong in the gutter"....





Or atleast that's how I percieve it.
Reply:work for the samaratins, you will make everyones problems seem trivial and make them feel better.

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