HELP! I was raped..please help?

I'm 22 yr old male. At age of 14 I was raped in my boarding school. To this day I am suffering bcoz of that shocking experience. A 14 yr old innocent boy raped by a group of seniors. It was extremely humiliating %26amp; it has shattered my life. It's something so shameful that I could never tell it to anyone. Also I've a physically and emotionally abusive father. I am the only son. My only support is my mom. She has always been there for me %26amp; given me moral support %26amp; unconditional love. I share many personal matters with her because she's very understanding, friendly, and supportive person. But now she is suffering from cancer. The only thing I kept secret from her is this horrible thing in the past -rape. It is very shameful %26amp; I to this day I don't fell comfortable with my body. Meaning I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm suffering emotionally. At 22 I secretly took psychatric treatment for post traumatic disorder. But sometimes I feel guilty for hiding frm mom. Should I tell her?

HELP! I was raped..please help?
Don't tell Mom, but get some professional help., you still need help. You really need to resolve this, or it will haunt you the rest of your file. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of you were the victim. You know, you could probably press charges against those guys, the odds are you were not the only person that it happened too.





Do not let these people continue to hurt you, they are not worth it. You deserve something better.








if you know any there names or where abouts, you may want to watch, they may be coming up in court on a sex abuse charge and you could be useful to testify against them. What better way to get even!
Reply:yes
Reply:Only you know your mum and how she will react.


Maybe she will think about you and not what she is suffering, but then again she maybe overwhelmed and not take it well - you will need to be the judge.


Do you go to church is there someone in church you can talk to, or if your mum is ill I am sur ethe hospital she is associated with would have a service for you to use to aid not only in what you have suffered in the past but the grief you will need to deal with when she passes. Ask at the hospital.
Reply:Nobody can answer this for you. We don't know your mother and can never really appreciate your relationship. My advice to you would be to talk to your Psychiatrist whom has been treating you and allow him/her to guide you to the best choice.





Other than that all I can offer is this: if you feel like sharing this with your mother will bring you comfort and bring the two of you closer than maybe you should.





You didnt mention if your mothers cancer was treatable or not. I would suggest thought that you wait until she has a chance to deal with her health issues and be there for her right now. Then someday when shes better or even just accepted her illness talk to her about your attack.





good luck
Reply:When i was under 5 my own father rapped me on many occastions i told my mom when i was about 5 n a half n it was the best thing i had ever done. Mothers are so undrstanding n loving n wat the worse thing to do is not to tell her n her finding out when she is at the harest part of her cancer. I am only 15 now but i am saying tell ur mom let her help u n her love will help u through this. I know wat u r feeling i felt like this till i was about 12 where i never liked me. But my mom helped me through it i went n saw a theripst n i have a school couniler n i have my mom so tell ur mom coz u will be so much better off. And about ur dad my dad was the same i used to get hit by him with belts n doors n my head hit against walls n floors even tho my dad has done this i have learned to forgive him. I hope this may help in anyway. If u want to talk at anytime e mail me at cass_030_791@yahho.com or coral_0307@hotmail.com
Reply:#1 Forgive yourself,because you were a victim. #2 keep it from your mom,coz she don't need the extra worry, she has enough on her plate. #3 Tell someone that loves you about your experience. And # 4 Forgive yourself all the guilt and depression,oryou will not be able to move on with your life. Women have been raped for generations, and that is what we have to do to survive the humiliation and guilt and disgust for people who take advantage and assault other human beings. I hope you will lean on God for all your needs coz if you take it to HIM He will bear it for you. Fight back and Don't Be A Victim
Reply:if your mom loves ya, she'll sit you down on a bed and hold ya while ya cry your eyes out......thats what i would want but then agian i have no idea how you feel even tho it sounds bad. Or maybe you guys could cry together. Best of luck, i hope your mother feels better, i will keep her in my prayers
Reply:If you asked he she would probably tell you that she would want to know, but some times even grown ups don't know what's best for them. Don't tell her now, it will upset her and make it harder for her to focus on her fight.


I'm glad you are getting treatment and I hope you know, even if you don't believe it yet, that what happned to you is not something for you to be ashamed of and that you are beautiful. Someday, when your mom is all better and you are ready you can bring her with you to therapy and tell her what happned.
Reply:I feel so terrible for you. I'm glad to hear you've sought some professional counseling. Did your psychiatrist feel that you'd come to terms with your past experiences? Because it sounds as if you haven't, and could use some more professional assistance. I doubt you'll find your answers here, unless someone else has been through the same things. Ignore the heartless comments from certain idiots who think they're being funny.





While I haven't been in your situation, my husband has, only he was raped between the ages of 5 and 7. Both of his parents were abusive, and he had only his sister for support (and she had issues of her own). It wasn't until he went through some extensive therapy (more than just a few sessions) that he was able to deal with the damage he'd suffered. Now he is a confident, warm, wonderful husband and father.





I can't tell you the right thing to do because everyone is different. If I were your mother, I'd want to know. I'd do anything to help and comfort my child. But depending on your mother's constitution and the severity of her illness, this information could make her feel worse. Or, maybe she'd rather know. Maybe you could bring it up with her in a roundabout way, like, "So Mom, if something bad happened to me that you couldn't change or fix, that happened a long time ago, would you want to know?" But unless a qualified, accredited psychologist or psychiatrist responds on this forum, I recommend you talk to a professional before you tell your mother.





Above all, please, please remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have done nothing wrong. Your mother loves you, and I'm sure others love you as well. And in the future, you may learn to love yourself.





Just read your additional details. Do not keep it a secret for the rest of your life. I'm glad to hear your mom's on the road to recovery. Right now may not be the right time to tell her, but as she regains her strength, when she asks what's going on, tell her. It will help both of you to heal. Best of luck -- I care!
Reply:u should tell her. like in the scarlet letter, dimmesdale suffered more because he kept his sin a secret, than if he would have admitted it to society. in this case, ur not the one at fault but this trouble is really bothering u. u need to let it out. the first step in recovering is to openely express what has happened in the past instead of keepibng it bottle up and erupting like a bottle rocket.
Reply:ok, were you raped by senior guys or girls? just wondering....hmmmmm....well, honey.....I know it must be really hard for you because you are still scarred from what happened and I'm so incredibly sorry that happened to you.....well, I've always been an honest person and if something like that happened to me, I would definitely tell my mom.....in my opinion, I think she has a right to know.....I know she is ill right now and maybe you feel like you don't wanna tell her because it's gonna add more worries for her, but hey......you gotta do what you gotta do.....aren't you worried that you will never have the chance to ever tell her again? maybe this is a good opportunity to tell her....she is your mother.....and from what you wrote, she sounds like a kind, loving person......so I'm sure she'll understand and wonder why you never told her in the first place......and I REALLY ENCOURAGE you to pray to God and ask him to heal you from it.....yes, I am saying that with God, healing is possible and you can be free from this thing that's haunting you.....WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE........God can make the impossible POSSIBLE =D..........Let me give you an example, I've been reading books lately by JOYCE MEYER......she wrote in one of her books that she was sexually abused by her father when she was a young girl and that scarred her for so many years.........she ran into the wrong direction and made some bad choices and married the first man that showed interest in her........which was a mistake, of course..........and she always felt angry and had a lot of bitterness within her.......but then she met a Godly man and he taught her the healing and love of GOD..........so, yeah, you guessed it........she was healed..........I hope that you will do the same..........I hope I make sense...............and I know that it's easier said than done.........but I hope you ask God to give you the courage to tell your mom...........but I recommend talking to God first, then tell your mom............and best wishes to you and I hope you will be healed and move on with your life because God has a great plan for you.........you just gotta trust him........that's all........and as for those seniors that did that horrible thing to you, I know it's hard for you to forgive them, but it's important that you do........because if you don't, you will not be able to move forward.......just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that what they did was ok......it just means that you will let GOD handle the things they did and you can press on.........trust me, they will pay big time for what they did.......but as for you, ask God to give you strength and courage..........until then, God bless........and I hope and pray that my advice will be helpful to you..........
Reply:First, you did nothing wrong. You were at the wrong place at the right time and the others were wrong. You need more help than you can get from a place like this but it is a good start. You need to go to psychotic treatment and tell your councilor the truth. That's the only way that they can help you.





Next, if you were my son, I would want to know about what happened. I'm sure that your mother wants to help you and she can't do this if you don't open up to her. Also telling her should help you start to heal.





Last of all, an abusive father makes things worse for you. Your self esteem is already low and that makes the assault even harder on you. Just remember that's not your fault either.





I had a young relative who went through the same thing and had to read the books because she was talking to me so it's a problem that I felt I had to learn about. You have made the first step. You can that the next one. Remember you did nothing wrong and you're a good person.
Reply:You poor guy, what a horrible thing to happen. I'm sorry there are such foul people out there.


As to your Mum, if it were me, I would want my son to tell me. My illness would be secondary to my kids problems. My kids come first, so, I reckon, if your Mum is anything like me, she could handle this, and want desparately to help you with this terrible thing. Don't feel guilty for hiding this from her, explain your humilation at the time. Tell her.


You have to put it behind you though. So you need to get some kind of help. You can't deal with this alone, even if you told your Mum, you need professional care.
Reply:That's tough.


If your mom "knows" something is wrong, it will be hard on her not knowing, and hard on her knowing the truth.





You must decide what would hurt her most, personally as a parent the truth would hurt me more than a suspicion of a hurt.





You could show that you are strong and have built character of strength by just saying "mom" it was something from the past, and the past is just that, the past. What happened in the past does and will not define who I am, all is forgiven my transgressors.





I think that way she will know you will always be ok, that's what a parent wants, for their kids to always be ok, that when they have to leave, their kids will be ok.





If it bothers her "too much" to not know, then tell her, but set her up first by giving her the condfidence in you in that one bad moment in your life will not destroy your entire life, you move on to better things and discard the trash.
Reply:Well let me get my flashlight and I will take a look.
Reply:If you really want to hurt your Mom...tell her.