Help! I was raped..please help?

I'm 22 yr old male. At age of 14 I was raped in my boarding school. To this day I am suffering bcoz of that shocking experience. A 14 yr old innocent boy raped by a group of seniors. It was extremely humiliating %26amp; it has shattered my life. It's something so shameful that I could never tell it to anyone. Also I've a physically and emotionally abusive father. I am the only son. My only support is my mom. She has always been there for me %26amp; given me moral support %26amp; unconditional love. I share many personal matters with her because she's very understanding, friendly, and supportive person. But now she is suffering from cancer. The only thing I kept secret from her is this horrible thing in the past -rape. It is very shameful %26amp; I to this day I don't fell comfortable with my body. Meaning I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm suffering emotionally. At 22 I secretly took psychatric treatment for post traumatic disorder. But sometimes I feel guilty for hiding frm mom. Should I tell her?

Help! I was raped..please help?
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible thing happened to you!


I understand that you may feel guilty for hiding such a thing from your mother but at this point, i don't think that the news would be good for her.


Trust me on this one... as a mother I can tell you that we all blame ourselves when such terrible things happen to our babies and she needs all of the emotional strength that she can muster right now.


I urge you to continue with counseling! The only people that should feel shame about what happened to you are the people that committed such a violent and degrading act against you!


Please continue to get professional help and just be there for your mom.


My heart goes out to you, good luck.
Reply:yes
Reply:Don't feel guilty, this is not something you should feel you have to tell anyone. I would highly recommend telling a councilor. If you need to talk look an this http://www.rapecrisis.com/ website. This is something you can not deal with alone. Promise me you will get help. Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault. Try http://www.lds.org also good luck. Hope your mom gets better.
Reply:if she isn't deteriorated to much and you have been able to talk to her about everything else then yeah but if she is not to well because of the cancer then it could quite easily make her worse so its up to you if you do or not
Reply:First of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of- you did nothing wrong. I commend you for speaking out here and talking about it. The question about telling your mother, do you want to tell her to unburden yourself? or because yu feel she needs to know? It is my belief that she sounds as though she loves you very much and has been very supportive to you, and you could tell her without fear of judgment. Parents want to help children and want to know about their pain so that they may ease it- even in times of their own crisis. It may help her to know why you have been troubled. Be there for her and support her. continue to seek therapy to talk about your fears, insecurities, and poor body image. Good Luck.
Reply:Sorry to hear about what you've gone thru, but, no I wouldn't tell her. She needs to be as positive as possible at this time. But, you know her best. I tried telling my mom I was gay and she didn't want to hear it so I just left it alone, she also had cancer and I saw no point in trying to force it on her. As for being raped, I was molested many times not raped but molested. It ruined my life. I did not suffer like you did in a violent manner but still did as much harm. I belive that is why I am gay today. Life sucks sometimes. You are still young I am 49 and have since learned to put it in the past. I have to, I am alive and can't let memories get in my way and ruin what's left of my life too. Good luck to you and I hope you learn a way to deal with this. If you need to talk you can e-mail me.
Reply:Man what a story. The violence is still with you and mom is not the issue--the real problem lies in letting go of what happened. Picture the seniors as bugs---they can be crushed. The dad problem ---is the same. Picture your problems as something that you can crush or sweep away. You can picture all that as often as possible. What purpose would telling mom serve?? Why burden this sick woman with a story like yours. At 22 you should move away as soon as your mom's issue gets taken care of. You are number one and your future depends on how well you take care of yourself. Good luck
Reply:WOW. First of all you need to know that it wasnt your fault. I think you should tell her if you feel its right. If you have a connection with your mother then she will probably help you through it. Thats a big secret to hold back.
Reply:that is a tough question... if you are serious and I will answer as if you are... If telling your mom is only going to help you,I would not..there is nothing she can do and it will hurt her tremendously and if as you say she has cancer she does not need the added stress. I truly am sorry for your pain..it must have been horrible to have been raped. But instead of telling your mom you need to go to counseling and maybe the police.... how many other innocent lives are the fu%$#ng A ss holes ruining?





I wish you the best....go find someone to talk to and be strong for your mom
Reply:I don't think you should tell her. I can hardly imagine how hurt she would be upon knowing the truth about what happened to you. However you can tell her if you feel uncomfortable in hiding it from her but I'm just afraid that she won't stop thinking about it and will eventually affect her illness.


If you decide not to tell her you should tell somebody whom you trust completely...maybe a best friend or a cousin? I think keeping it to yourself forever is potentially dangerous to your mental health. Taking psychiatric treatment is good because you definitely need help from a professional.


Are you a religious person? Cuz it really helps if for example you go to church and pray a lot seeking for more guidance for your future life. However, you have to realize 1 crucial thing: no matter what happened in your past, life goes on and I'm absolutely sure that in time you're going to be fine. Believe in yourself that you can go through all this. A lot of people out there suffer more badly than you so treasure every tiny little thing in your life and thank God for His blessings.


Don't forget to smile! :)
Reply:Talk of it and it will reduce with the rate that you think of it.Tell your Mama boy.
Reply:You went through a terrible trauma, but you cannot say it has shattered your life; you cannot let that happen to you. It will never go away 100% but you can still have a happy, healthy life. Please continue with therapy; it is so important. You have nothing to feel ashamed of; you did nothing wrong.


1) I don't think now is the time to tell your mom.


2) There is a book that I think is wonderful for crises and emotional burdens of all kinds. Please don't be put off by the title; its not just for women at all!! "Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know," by Barbara DeAngelis. It is just how to handle any crisis with strength; it is very good; easy to apply the wisdom to your own life. It changed the way I think. The bookstore can order it for you if they dont have it.


3) I know drs / Siddha Masters from India who come to the US a few times every year. They have herbs that are very, very good for people with cancer. The website is www.amritaveda.com. The herbs can be taken with other medication and chemo, its fine. They are very powerful for the immune system. These drs are unlike anything in the US; I highly recommend them; I have known them for years. My prayers are with you.
Reply:Whats eating you up inside is that you have not told anybody about this traumatic experience, and you've been dealing with this on your own since you were 14, that's 8 years of stress!!! If your not gonna tell your mom, reach out to counselors or a very close friend or family member, this will eat you up inside if you don't and your body will break down over time. You will never be able to grow physically , mentally and emotionally if you don't find help. Please find someone you can talk to about this.
Reply:You said that ur mom is understanding and stuff so go and tell her, let her help you.
Reply:i think you should discuss it with your mom,Maybe you are thinking that it would hurt her more because of her condition.she will understand why you kept it from her because this is not something that you can shout out.I can understand not feeling comfortable with yourself because it was not your choice but you will have to move on and in order to do that you must face all that you are trying to forget,
Reply:I'll tell you from my experience in almost being raped, don't show any interest whatsoever in what they are trying to do to you. Struggle at first to try to get them off to you, but don't try to continue to do so, if you can't get them off of you after about a minute. Don't look at them. I repeat do not look at them. Do not pretend like you are not looking at them. Do not give them any indication that they're there. Let your head go limp to the side and just let your body go completely limp without a care in the world. Once you feel them easing up on you, if they do, since you are not responding in terror (their pleasure) or with cries or helplessness (also their pleasure), spring up quickly. Then, once you spring up, look at their position. Don't run at first, because they can attack you again while you're thinking about getting away. Once you see their position, then, decide what to do.





This instinct I had the day that a guy tried to rape me, left him lying on a bed and me standing at the foot of the bed he was lying on.





Now, I've never told my parents what had happened to me that day. The only reason I haven't is because I was almost raped, not raped. If I had been raped, I would've told someone, as soon as possible, so that he couldn't get away.





I think by you hiding such an awful situation from your mom is explainable, but not beneficial to your healing. The seniors who raped you didn't just give you a wedgie or a titty-twister. They didn't just hang you by your pants on a hook in the school bathroom and laugh at you or call you names and let that be the end of it, they injected their genital organs into you against your will and refused to stop, when you asked them to. What they had done to you was not pull a senior prank on you, but commit a crime. So, I'd have to say, do what's in your best interest about the situation, but don't ever discount what happened to you that day. They were seniors, and what they did to you was not right.
Reply:i think not! coz she is now suffering from a severe disease and if you tell her then it might just add up to her pain coz she might blame herself for it for not taking care of you.on the other hand maybe yes coz shes now dying(no offense)she must know the truth so she'll be at peace. after telling her just say that your now okay and youve oercome the trauma. tell her to not blame herself coz its not her fault and past is past....(even if not)hope that the lord will guide you in your decisions.god bless to you and your mom.